26 Apr Pictures in the sky: how you see yourself and others

This blog initially came about when a colleague sent me her blog. She was thinking about the ideas she was having about the reflections from her learning from her MA in Relationship Therapy course, the readings she was covering, and how this affected her personally and professionally with the patients, she was counselling. This got me thinking about how it would be wonderful to share some of my thinking about my learning and clinical work as well.

However, I was struggling to think of a core subject I could talk about that would offer some value to others – whoever they may be and whoever might be interested in my thoughts. Anyway, the idea for the blog didn’t really materialise until I was with my daughter one lazy Sunday morning.

We were both lying on the floor of my bedroom, relaxing and sharing our thoughts about what we could do for the day, when I looked out of the skylight in the roof of my bedroom to see a beautiful day materialising with a bright blue sky opening up before us. As more of the sky was bursting through, it became more apparent that the light, fluffy cotton wool ball clouds floating by were moving at different speeds as they drifted along. I pointed this out to my daughter. We then started to look at the shapes of the clouds. I pointed out I could see a cat, then a dog with a tail pointing up and then some odd shapes. This was really enjoyable and quite fun as we continued to look out for the various shapes and animals being formed and then disappearing. We then started to describe what the other couldn’t see and pointed out the various outlines of each other’s “pictures”. This then got me thinking about how we relate to one another as people.  I wondered how we communicate what we see happening around us, how we feel about a situation, even how we think about the other person next to us, how the other person makes us feel, and how we connect with others. My conversation with my daughter that morning was fascinating, fun and exciting as we both started to see things the other hadn’t been able to see until the other pointed them out and explained what we saw in the pictures. The pictures, once revealed, became more transparent, as did our conversation about the images.

For most people, this is how we relate to each other by communicating and explaining the “picture” of ourselves. For others, it is tough to explain their “picture”, their script, their feelings or general emotions. Only by being able to understand what the other person is seeing, hearing and feeling can we know that person a bit more and relate to them in a personal or intimate way. By connecting with each other, we can start to see the pictures we have of each other instead of trying to imagine what the other is thinking. Have a go, go on, and explain what you see in yourself to your partner, especially if you haven’t spoken to them for some time about yourself or how you feel about yourself or your relationship with your partner.

By the way, this applies to both men and women starting the conversation, so give it a go.